As a mother, there’s no shortage of unsolicited advice or invasive questions from well-meaning family members, friends, or even strangers. One of the most persistent—and frankly exhausting—questions that moms encounter is: “When are you having more kids?” [insert the biggest eye roll of my life here] The pressure to have more kids is exhausting!
Whether you have one child, two children, or more, society has ingrained an expectation that moms are supposed to have “the perfect family” according to certain standards that have nothing to do with what is right for you. If you have one child, people immediately ask when the second is coming. If you have two boys, you’re often asked if you’re going to “try for a girl.” It’s as though people assume that every family needs more than one child, or that a mother hasn’t done her “duty” until she’s had at least one of each gender.
It’s rare to hear someone asking a father, "Are you having more kids?" Yet, for some reason, people feel entitled to ask moms these questions without a second thought. This entitlement is deeply rooted in societal norms that view motherhood as an endless pursuit of family-building, and mothers as the sole decision-makers in the number of children a family should have. But what about the moms who are happy with one child, or who have decided that they don’t want any more children?
Let’s call this out for what it really is because these questions not only disregard a woman’s personal choice but can also touch on sensitive issues like infertility, pregnancy loss, or personal health struggles that may make the topic of expanding a family emotionally challenging. The assumption that every mom wants more kids—or that every family is incomplete without a boy and a girl—is outdated, insensitive, and quite frankly, none of anyone’s business.
It’s Not Okay to Make These Assumptions
When people ask these questions, they often don’t realize the emotional weight they can carry. For moms who have faced difficult pregnancies, financial challenges, or fertility issues, the question of “When are you having another?” can feel invasive and hurtful. It also assumes that a mother’s family is incomplete based on someone else’s idea of what’s "right."
What’s even more problematic is how these questions are directed solely at women. Fathers rarely face the same level of interrogation about family planning, reinforcing the unnecessary burden that society places on moms to grow and maintain the family unit. This sense of entitlement to comment on a woman’s reproductive choices is not only out of touch—it’s a privilege that people need to recognize and let go of.
How to Stand Up for Yourself
As a therapist who works with moms and a mother of two boys, I know how exhausting it is to navigate these conversations. It can feel awkward or rude to push back when someone asks, “Are you going to try for a girl?” or “When’s the next baby coming?” But it’s essential to remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your family planning decisions. Whether you choose to have more children or not is a deeply personal decision, and you have every right to set boundaries when people cross the line with intrusive questions.
Here are a few ways you can respond confidently and assertively:
Set a clear boundary: If someone asks about your plans for more children, it's okay to respond with, "That's personal, and we’re happy with where our family is right now."
Redirect the conversation: If you don’t feel comfortable engaging, try a simple, “We’re focused on our family as it is,” and change the subject.
Assert your needs: If you want to be more direct, you can say, “I know you mean well, but that’s simply none of your business.”
Lean into your confidence: You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. The decisions you make about your family are yours and yours alone.
It’s Okay to Protect Your Peace
As moms, you’re often conditioned to be polite and accommodating, even when people ask questions that make you uncomfortable. But it’s okay to stand up for yourself and protect your peace. You don’t owe anyone answers about your reproductive choices, and you certainly don’t need to justify why your family looks the way it does.
By practicing these boundary-setting techniques, you can empower yourself to feel more confident in responding to these intrusive questions and assert your right to privacy.
If you’re struggling with setting these boundaries or dealing with the pressures society places on you as a mother, it’s important to seek support. As a therapist, I specialize in working with moms who are navigating these emotional challenges, helping them reclaim their voice and find peace in their decisions. I provide a safe, non-judgmental space for you to explore your feelings, set boundaries, and find the confidence to stand up for yourself.
Book an appointment today to begin your journey toward feeling more confident, supported, and at peace with your choices as a mother, even when parenting feels hard. Let’s work together to help you embrace your journey on your terms. Schedule Your Free Call Here
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