If you had asked me ten years ago if I thought asking for help would be one of my biggest strengths, I would have laughed. Like many moms, I once believed I had to do it all—perfectly and without complaint. But today, as a therapist in Matawan, New Jersey and Mom of two VERY busy young boys, I see things differently.
Asking for help has become my superpower, not because I get it right every time, but because I’ve realized that Motherhood feels nearly impossible when we try to do everything by ourselves. Postpartum depression showed me that the only way I was going to survive was by leaning on the support and help of others.
What I learned over that time is that each time I reach out for help, I show my kids—and myself—that it’s okay to lean on others. I get an opportunity to show my boys the willingness many people have to lend a helping hand, even though we have no immediate family around.
Postpartum depression taught me that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s an act of self-care. And there is nothing more important to me than modeling for my boys, a woman who is strong and secure enough to take care of herself first.
So, why is it so hard for so many moms to ask for help?
pictured above - Me with my first son, barely surviving with Post Partum Depression
Why Moms Asking for Help is So Hard
As a therapist, I hear from many moms who feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and isolated. Yet, when I ask them about their support network, I often get the same response: "I don't want to be a burden" or "I should be able to handle it on my own" or the more common “‘They’ll probably just say no.’
Society has conditioned moms to believe they must be superhuman, juggling career, family, and personal life seamlessly. For some, asking for help sometimes feels like admitting defeat.
If a woman’s experience tells her that asking for help is opening her up to be disappointed by an unexpected NO, reaching out for the support necessary to thrive in Motherhood may feel even more daunting.
Some women have convinced themselves that asking for help somehow means they’re failing their family because they can’t do it all. Raising children was never meant to be a solo sport and often women make it more difficult for themselves by attempting to do it all.
How to Move Past the Fear of Asking for Help
Breaking free from the cycle of being a martyr in Motherhood is not easy, but it’s necessary. Here are three helpful ways moms can get more comfortable with asking for help:
1. Shift Your Mindset:
Recognize that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. It’s a way to model for your children that it’s okay to rely on others. No one is meant to do life alone. When you ask for help, you are acknowledging that you are human, and that’s okay. Try to replace thoughts like "I should be able to handle this" with "I deserve support."
2. Create a Village:
They say it takes a village to raise a child, but many moms feel like they don’t have one. Start by building your own support network, whether it’s family, friends, therapist, or even an online community. Share responsibilities, like carpooling or meal swaps. Sometimes just having someone to listen to or share experiences can make all the difference.
3. Practice Small Asks:
If asking for help feels overwhelming, start small. It might be asking your partner to take on a specific task or asking a friend to watch the kids for an hour. By practicing small asks, you gradually become more comfortable reaching out for support when you need it.
At the end of the day, moms asking for help is about more than just making life easier—it’s about mental and emotional well-being. When moms are able to let go of the idea that they have to do it all, they free themselves to live more balanced and fulfilling lives. And the truth is, no mom has to go it alone. By acknowledging that asking for help is a powerful tool, we can create a healthier, more supportive environment for ourselves and our families.
If you’re a mom reading this and you’ve been struggling with the idea of asking for help, know this: you’re not alone. And asking for help might just be the superpower you didn’t know you had.
Take the first step on your self care journey by scheduling a FREE consultation with me today. As a busy Mom of two, I will support you with honesty and compassion so you can begin to start feeling like you are thriving in your motherhood experience.
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